If your relationship seems to have plateaued, know that many couples have been there–even if they aren’t likely to talk about it. According to psychotherapist Esther Perel, the best-selling author of the book “Mating in Captivity,” many couples “confuse love with merging.”
She argues, backed by more than two decades of professional experience, that the routine of domesticity can cause couples to find themselves in ruts where they feel love but not sexual desire. While all relationships wax and wane, many couples want to see their sex lives thrive. If things have gotten a bit stale between you and your partner, here are four surefire ways to revamp your relationship.
Try something new together
Oftentimes, the routineness of domesticity can creep its way into a relationship, turning every week into a calendar full of chores, work, meals, and watching the news before heading to bed. Taking up a new hobby together could lead to taking up a new lease on your sex life. Whether it’s ticking items off of a bucket list that you and your partner create together, or enrolling in dance lessons, there are plenty of ways to add something new to your lives and break up your routine. Doing so keeps your relationship fresh and exciting, as you’re certain to learn things about your partner that you didn’t know prior to attempting to ski or tango.
Spice things up with some toys
When you and your partner feel like things are getting a bit stale in the bedroom, there’s no reason not to introduce some new variables to you and your lover’s sexual equation. While trying out new positions or locations to make love can be enough of a stimulant for some couples, another easy solution is to add some toys to the room and see what desires they unlock for you and your partner. Vibrators, cock rings, and android sex dolls are all worth considering, allowing you to live out a variety of new fantasies with your lover.
Get rid of the screens and focus on each other
Studies about screen use have had a stark perspective on couples and their sex lives. Some research has even shown that millennials are more likely to want to watch Netflix than have sex with each other, a statistic that is as sobering as it is saddening. Getting rid of the screens, especially in your bedroom, is a great way to address this issue, and ensures that the first thing you touch in the morning and last thing you touch in the evening is your partner and not your phone. This ultimately leads to a greater sense of connection, which could be what has dampened your relationship in the first place. And, if you must watch Netflix or another streaming service together, at least do yourself a favor and watch something sexy enough that it might get you in the mood.
Find and make time for each other
Going along with the above point about ditching the screens, it’s just as important to make time for each other in small ways, too. While it’s true that distance can spur fantasy and encourage more intimacy in a relationship, many couples won’t be interested in having sex if they don’t feel connected to each other. Making time for each other in small ways, even if it’s just getting up thirty minutes earlier to grab coffee or go to the gym together can play a pivotal role in keeping your relationship strong, even as you try out new toys and activities together.
Keeping things fresh and new takes work, but will ultimately strengthen your relationship. If you find that things aren’t what they used to be, reevaluate your domestic commitments and find new ways to introduce a sense of play into you and your partner’s life. The results are sure to satisfy.